My room

It was an accident
I wish it had been me.
I had never been so terrified
I didn't think it would end
The way that it ended.
The gun shot fired from the barrel
And resounded through the air.
I can still smell the smoke.
I was startled, a knee jerk reaction.
I play it over and over in my mind
The pictures torment me.
My assailant still laughs at me
Knowing what I have done.
Because of me, I lost you.
My lover, my soul mate, my kindred spirit.
Forever now, I will be alone.
This I swear to you, and your memory.
Only the thoughts in my head
Will keep you with me.
They try and comfort me
They only anger me.
That is not true.
The often sadden me.
But there is nothing I can do
From way up here in this padded room.